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Laugh Like Pee-wee (2019)
Laugh Like Pee-wee 2019 was the tenth installment of the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee event, held on January 26, 2019. The show was highlighted by the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match, Carlito defending the SvR06 Championship against Batista, and "Macho Man" Randy Savage putting the Intercontinental Championship on the line against Scott Steiner. __TOC__ Background As we draw closer to January 26th, more competitors throw their name into the pool of combatants that will try their luck at winning the annual all-star match known as Laugh Like Pee-wee. Starting things in a big way, it was announced that the winner of the Arrested Developmental Rising Star of the Year award would receive entry into the 30-man contest. As selected by the voters, Suggs McGee will be making his return at Laugh Like Pee-wee. As for another powerhouse, the machine known as Goldberg revealed that MAYBE he has another badass Laugh Like Pee-wee performance left in him after his record-breaking outing last year. However, as it was Dynamite Derek that he qualified for the bout with at Dr. Meinheimer, the two have been attempting to one-up each other to gain momentum as they work closer to the bout. At the same time, Kurt Angle announced that he would be entering the match and putting Bret Hart behind him. This wasn't good enough for The Hitman, however, who informed Angle that he'll go everywhere he goes until he agrees to face him. With that in mind, he spoke to co-commissioner Charles Barkley and was added to the growing list of competitors looking to earn their spot in the career-changing contest. One of the biggest additions to the match is that of the beastly Brock Lesnar, who looks to bounce back after being defeated by Batista in a Last Man Standing match. However, his entry attracted the attention of the monstrous Kane, who claimed that Lesnar may wear the mark of the beast but that he's the devil's favorite demon. Also at odds going into the contest are Big Show and Count Out. After losing the Cruiserweight Championship, Count Out would also drop Big Show as a partner. Blaming him for not doing enough to keep the title in his possession, Count Out would kick Big Show to the curb by kicking him below the belt. The World's Largest Athlete would later claim to be the true power behind Count Out the Giant and suggested that Transylvania's favorite son is nothing more than a walking gimmick recycling plant. The World's Largest Athlete made it clear that his main priority is to go to the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XV, but that he also plans on getting his hands on Count Out along the way. The last entry confirmation came from the unfamiliar voice of The Prophet, delivered by his faithful follower Daivari. Daivari stated that he would speak on behalf of The Prophet, as his godlike leader will only agree to be seen if he's given the proper respect he deserves. He said that at Laugh Like Pee-wee, The Prophet intends on entering the 30-man bout and laying siege to the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XV. Damaged Wing, who holds the record for tossing the most competitors over the top rope in the history of the match, would be one of many to qualify for the match. His entry caught the attention of "Mr. SvR06" Mark Jindrak and his enforcer Chris Masters, who informed Wing that history beckons youth and that he represents an old guard whose time is up. The only two-time Laugh Like Pee-wee winner, DEFAULT, would come to the aid of Damaged Wing. He noted that there's a reason that guys like he and Wing have stayed on top in SvR06 for as long as they have while they've watched guys like Jindrak and Masters come and go. With tension mounting between the two sides, Christian inserted himself in between the four. He insisted that they should all stop their fighting and find common ground in something that they could all agree upon. That he will be winning this year's Laugh Like Pee-wee match and fulfilling his destiny of becoming the SvR06 Champion. Christian would complete his goal of helping the four find commonality as they each took turns performing their finishing maneuver on him. As one of the larger combatants to enter the contest, The Kingpin declared that he will not only be victorious but that he would throw more opponents over the top rope than anyone else. This claim would be rebuked by The Big O, who insisted that he was going to toss the most opponents over the rope once he unloads on the other 29 in the ring. The battle of one-upmanship would continue as The Big O would face off against fellow entrant Tajiri, only for The Kingpin to interrupt the match by throwing the Japanese Buzzsaw over the top rope. When The Kingpin faced off against Tajiri, the Colossal Casanova returned the favor by disrupting the bout to throw Tajiri out as well. In order to find compromise, the two were paired up in a tag match against Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin, to determine The World's Greatest Tag Team's qualification for Laugh Like Pee-wee. Ultimately, the two were unable to put their quarrels behind and Haas and Benjamin earned their spots in the match as well. Friend or foe, it will all be the same at Laugh Like Pee-wee as only one man will earn a championship match at Diaz's Fuck Fest XV. As the main event of Dr. Meinheimer was ruled a draw, Carlito was able to remain the SvR06 Champion as the year came to a close. With The Undertaker seemingly behind him, the champion exuberantly proclaimed that he was going to the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest once again. It was then that Carlito would be confronted by Batista. The Animal pointed out that the SvR06 Champion won the title from a worn-down Undertaker and then retained it by way of a draw. Batista suggested that if Carlito was as good as he claimed to be then he should have no issue facing him for the title at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Carlito would inform Batista to get in line with everyone else, as would co-commissioner JBL. Setting up a small tournament to decide who would face Carlito, JBL drastically stacked the deck in the favor of hand-picked challenger Kane. Despite his best efforts, Batista was able to come out victorious with an SvR06 Championship match set for Laugh Like Pee-wee. As soon as he earned his championship bout, he was struck over the head with the title belt by Carlito himself. Adding insult to injury, Carlito took the opportunity to spit apple in the face of the wounded Animal. Carlito may have attempted to humiliate the challenger, but chances are he only intensified the already determined Batista as they prepare for the championship match at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Ever since Scott Steiner cost "Macho Man" Randy Savage the Intercontinental Championship, effectively ending the alliance of The Mullet Club, these two former partners have been on a collision course. Big Poppa Pump would capture the Intercontinental Title following Savage's mysterious accident. The Macho Man would return in a big way, however, by winning back the championship that he never lost at Dr. Meinheimer. Naturally, Scott Steiner refused to accept this result. He wasted no time in pointing out that he was never pinned to lose his title, and that rather it was Scott Hall who was the recipient of the fall. Steiner would continue to goad Savage, claiming that the only reason he could stand there and call himself champion was because he has yet to go one-on-one with him and be crippled by the Steiner Recliner. Refusing to back down, Macho Man agreed to put the Intercontinental Championship on the line at Laugh Like Pee-wee to settle the score between he and his former ally. Of all of the events on the SvR06 calendar, Dr. Meinheimer most often ends in shocking fashion. 2018's edition of the winter tradition was no exception. As the clock counted down to both midnight and the conclusion of the SvR06 Championship Iron Man match, Chance made his presence felt at ringside by distracting The Undertaker from the task at hand. In the end, the Golden Boy would exact revenge on The Phenom for capturing the title from him at 13 Reasons WHY. Irate, Undertaker pursued Chance backstage, only to be ambushed by Drew Thunder. The Master of Drew-Jitsu would proceed to trap The Undertaker in a limousine before crashing his car into the side of it. Chance would begin to proclaim himself as the man who finally laid The Undertaker to rest, despite many giving Drew Thunder credit for the deed. Chance would also claim that he always gets his gold in the end. He noted that The Undertaker stole his gold away from him, so he did the same to The Undertaker, revealing that he had taken possession of The Phenom's signature urn. Drew Thunder would point out that between his United States Championship and Chance's urn, they were now arguably the most powerful force in all of SvR06. This assessment would be challenged by a familiar face, that of the returning Winslow J. Wiley. Winslow informed everyone that he had been in a self-imposed state of incarceration in order to reassess his existing place in a world where heroes are only villains in masks. What he discovered when he reemerged was Drew Thunder tarnishing the legacy of a title that once meant everything to him. It was then that he found a sense of purpose again, specifically to rescue the United States Championship away from The Master of Drew-Jitsu. Before he was able to respond, Chance took the liberty of accepting Winslow's challenge and claimed that they two of them are going to send him back into hiding where he belongs. Whether he wants to or not, Drew Thunder will apparently be defending his United States Championship against not only Winslow J. Wiley at Laugh Like Pee-wee, but against his partner Chance as well. Will this provide an advantage for the dastardly duo or will Winslow manage to pit the two against each other? When Ricardo Diaz spoke out about the Hispanic members of the roster not being as successful as they should, nobody could have imagined that the person he would hold responsible for this was Rey Mysterio. After costing Mysterio both his World Tag Team Title match and a spot in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee, Diaz and his cohort Chavo Guerrero seemed to think that they'd washed their hands clean of their rival. Ever resilient, Rey refused to let Diaz and Chavo set the example for all of the young Latino members of the audience. Given that Diaz was also barred from competing in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match as stipulated by their Dr. Meinheimer match, Mysterio challenged Mr. Coke to face him one-on-one at the event instead. Diaz agreed, but only on the condition that if Mysterio lost he would be forced to unmask. That way, Rey could finally be exposed to all of those who put him on a pedestal. At Laugh Like Pee-wee, Rey Mysterio will have to defend his mask. But above all else, he will defend both his own honor and that of all who look to him as a source of inspiration. When The Pranksters reunited last year, winning the World Tag Team Titles once again was one of their top priorities. However, following Dr. Meinheimer, the injection of new blood into the division has flipped it on its head. The Pranksters discovered this first hand when they teamed with DEFAULT to take on Walter P. Wiley and The Bar on New Year's Eve. Although their choice of kilts protected them from wedgies from their opponents, Sheamus and Cesaro were nevertheless eliminated from the match. At the same event, Jimmy Hart promised a live performance from his newly-signed music sensation. What he didn't mention was that the performance would be in the ring. The Chart Toppers would be revealed as the last team to enter the Tag Team Turmoil match for the titles and would capture them against the penultimate combination of Vigo the Carpathian and Janosz Poha. The Mouth of the South wasted no time in proclaiming them the greatest singers and the greatest tag team in all of SvR06, in spite of the fact that they've yet to showcase either of these talents. The new World Tag Team Champions would naturally catch the attention of The Pranksters, who suggested that The Chart Toppers were less ZZ Top and more ZZ Bottoms. Sheamus and Cesaro would join the conversation as well, claiming that The Pranksters were singing the same old tune, whereas The Chart Toppers can't sing at all. With the three teams at each other's throats, co-commissioner Charles Barkley would step in to inform The Bar that he had already made the decision to grant The Pranksters and World Tag Team Championship match at Laugh Like Pee-wee. At this point, JBL would interject and put his fifty percent control to use by informing Barkley that he was making the executive decision to add Sheamus and Cesaro to the match as well. With tensions evidently running equally as high in management as they are in the tag team division, these pairings will collide on January 26th in a three-way bout to determine who should sit atop the golden mountain as World Tag Team Champions. Results For the tenth time in SvR06 history, 30 elite competitors would try their luck at walking away with a golden opportunity in their possession. Outlast 29 other opponents and find yourself passing through the gates to the immortality that comes with main eventing Diaz's Fuck Fest. If the year's prior were any indication, this Laugh Like Pee-wee would completely transform the landscape of SvR06. Opening the annual event was Rey Mysterio fighting for his honor against Ricardo Diaz. Mysterio would agree to put his mask on the line against his nemesis, making this heated rivalry even more personal. In spite of Diaz's cohort Chavo Guerrero attempting to sway the match in the favor of Mr. Coke, Mysterio's high-octane offense was a force to be reckoned with. Diaz would rely on any underhanded tactic possible while Rey used every part of the ring to his advantage. After an impressive flurry or aerial assaults, Mysterio conclusively landed a 619 on his opponent to pick up the victory and retain his signature mask. Up next, the World Tag Team Championship was up for grabs as Jimmy Hart's newly crowned team The Chart Toppers put the titles on the line against both The Bar and The Pranksters. With the leniency that comes with the territory of Tornado Tag rules, there was never any doubt that the contest would be anything but total anarchy. In the end, it was Cesaro's submission skills and Sheamus fending off any opposition that allowed The Bar to become the new World Tag Team Champions. In a backstage corridor, Batista was warming up for his championship bout with Carlito when he was approached by Brock Lesnar. Lesnar informed Batista that despite their wars in 2018, he's rooting for him to become the new SvR06 Champion tonight. That way, when Brock wins the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match, the two can go on to main event the Fest and settle the score once and for all. Batista returned the favor, pulling for Lesnar tonight so that he can defeat him once again at the Fest. It was at last year's Fest, however, that the struggle for power began between Scott Steiner and "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Steiner, then a member of The Mullet Club alongside Savage, would cost the Macho Man his Intercontinental Title. Now, after nearly a year of battles, Macho Man is champion once again and put the title on the line against his former partner. Big Poppa Pump would prove to have the strength advantage throughout the contest, but Savage's agility allowed for greater dexterity against his muscle-bound opponent. Although it took more than one diving elbow drop, Macho Man would eventually pin Steiner to retain his coveted Intercontinental Championship in a stellar performance. The United States Title was on the line in a Triple Threat match that many assumed would more closely resemble a Handicap match. Defending champion Drew Thunder put the gold up for grabs against both his ally Chance and Winslow J. Wiley. Since his return, Winslow has made it his mission to wrangle the United States Championship away from the dastardly duo that was responsible for the apparent destruction of The Undertaker. As expected, the Master of Drew-Jitsu and The Golden Boy relied on tandem offense to keep Winslow from mounting any momentum against either one of them. Just as it looked like Drew Thunder was set to put Winslow away for the three count, the lights dimmed and the ominous sound of a gong echoed throughout the arena. When the lights raised, everyone expected that the occurrence was signaling the arrival of The Undertaker. However, the Phenom was nowhere to be found. As Drew Thunder turned his attention toward the entryway, he was caught off guard long enough for Chance to sneak his way back into the ring and cover Winslow J. Wiley to become the new United States Champion. In the office of the co-commissioner, Jushin Tiger found JBL kicking his feet up on the sofa. When Tiger asked JBL about drawing his entry number for the Laugh Like Pee-wee match, the co-commissioner suspected the masked man of being drunk and claimed that he had just been in here and drawn the last of the numbers. When Tiger protested that JBL had mistaken him for someone else, JBL informed him that he'd best go find out who took his number because the Pee-wee match was coming up. As Batista was making his way to the ring to challenge Carlito for the SvR06 Championship, he was ambushed halfway there by the champion. Carlito would reign down upon The Animal with blows from the title belt before propelling the challenger into the ring. Although Carlito's tactics were temporarily debilitating, Batista would quickly overpower the champion in explosive fashion. While Batista had Carlito trapped within a headlock some time later, a familiar figure began running to the ring at a pace that would put Sir Lancelot to shame. Before Batista knew it, he was face to face with none other than The Shark. This behemoth from beneath dragged Batista into dangerous waters on the outside, tossing The Animal from pillar to post. Batista would fight back from this unprovoked attack, but Carlito had one more trick up his fro, specifically the pair of brass knuckles he had concealed in his hair. Carlito's SvR06 Championship reign would live on, but with many asterisks next to his victory. After hearing from a number of the competitors scheduled to compete, it was time for the annual over-the-top-rope Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Entering the contest at the unlucky #1 spot was Shelton Benjamin. Despite his position, Benjamin showed no lack of confidence on the microphone. He informed everyone that they'd best get used to seeing him standing in the ring by himself because it was the exact same way the night would end once he was victorious. As Benjamin spoke, interference began to knock out the video feed before being replaced with a message that RagnarocK was upon us. A countdown clock would initiate, and upon the strike of zero would reveal the return of Chris Jericho! Following the two initial competitors were the likes of Bret Hart, who entered in hopes of getting his hands on Kurt Angle, and Arrested Developmental's Rising Star of the Year Suggs McGee. Unfortunately for Bret, his moment would have to wait yet again as he found himself eliminated before Angle could enter. The mystery behind who JBL mistook for Tiger was revealed when Jushin "Thunder" Liger entered the fray. Following this surprise was another when Rhyno joined the match-up, fresh off of his appearance at the previous evening's Walk Of Shame. Heavy hitters such as The Big O and The Kingpin would throw their weight around, but there was arguably no bigger arrival than that of Big Smoke. After spending nearly 20 minutes in the match, Chris Jericho was unceremoniously disposed of by Brock Lesnar. Shortly thereafter, Count Out would make a huge impact on the match in his own right. Blindfolded as a method to combat Big Show, Count Out would inadvertently send Goldberg sailing over the top rope. The hits would keep on coming though, as the likes of Hardcore Holly, Hall of Famer Booker T, and even a man from Hollywood by the name of David Arquette all entered the battlefield. Holly found himself on the receiving end of elimination from the pairing of Mark Jindrak and Chris Masters. However, proving that there are no friends in Laugh Like Pee-wee, Masters would then immediately send his partner Jindrak to the floor. The 29th entrant, Dynamite Derek, came storming out of the gate and quickly made his presence felt by eliminating Kurt Angle. With momentum and stamina on his side, it looked like this would be the year for the explosive one. That was when the #30 entrant revealed himself to be the man who walked out of SvR06 after defeating Dynamite Derek for the World Title. None other than J-Pac! As if no time had passed since his controversial departure, J-Pac immediately resumed his favorite hobby of cheating Dynamite Derek out of title opportunities when he eliminated his longtime rival. As the field of entrants reduced to two, the fate of this year's Fest lay in the hands of J-Pac or Brock Lesnar. Despite entering considerably earlier than J-Pac, Lesnar still had fight left in him. Following an array of German suplexes and a rancorous F-5, it appeared that this day would belong to The Beast. However, J-Pac would recover just enough to propel Lesnar over the top rope and seal the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest XV for himself. For the first time ever, the World Heavyweight Champion has won the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. What this means for whoever holds the SvR06 Championship come the Fest is yet to be revealed.